The Member Experience desk has, in the past quarter, received an unusual number of inquiries on the same general topic. The phrasing varies. The substance is the same.
"I have been added to a group chat. The group chat appears to be coordinating a transaction. The transaction appears to be of a kind I would prefer not to participate in. How do I extract myself without causing offense to people whom I have, in some cases, known for years?"
The desk has, accordingly, drafted the following short guide.
General principles
Before offering specific scripts, three general principles.
One: do not engage with the substance. The desk has observed that the associate's first instinct is to reply at length, to explain the reasons, to set out the position. This is almost always counterproductive.
Two: do not delay. The longer the associate waits to reply, the more difficult the reply becomes. A clean note within forty-eight hours of the invitation is, in nearly every case, easier to send and easier to receive than a note sent two weeks later.
Three: leave the door open to the relationship. The decline is of the activity, not of the person who proposed it. Acknowledging the relationship, briefly and warmly, makes the decline land more softly.
Three sample scripts
Each script is short. This is intentional.
For a casual acquaintance: "Appreciate you including me on this. Not my kind of trade, but happy to catch up over coffee in the next few weeks. Let me know what works."
For a closer associate: "Thanks for the heads-up. I'll sit this one out. Setup isn't right for me on this kind of thing. Looking forward to seeing you at the Spring summit."
For someone whose relationship to the associate is professional and ongoing: "Saw the message. I'm going to abstain. Not a comment on the call, just where I am with allocation right now. Catching up next time we're in the same city."
What not to do
Do not, in the desk's strong recommendation, leave the chat without a note. Silent departures are, in nearly every case we have advised on, taken more personally than direct declines. A two-line note in the chat, or a private message to the host, costs almost nothing and is almost always remembered favorably.
Do not, similarly, screenshot the chat for outside parties. The Club's general view is that what happens in private threads remains in private threads, and that the trust required to belong to such threads, even briefly, deserves to be honored at the moment of departure.
The Club exists, in part, to make the considered choice the easier choice. The decline of a poorly considered invitation is, in our view, one of the small daily exercises of the considered life, and we are pleased to assist.
